I have the coolest knife block ever. It’s called a KaPoosh knife block. Anyways, the instructions are really hilarious, and I couldn’t find them last weekend when a friend wanted to know why I found them so ridiculously funny. So, here they are, in italics below. I’ve replaced the not-as-hilarious parts with ellipsis, but the not-as-hilarious parts are few and far between.

We thank you for purchasing the Igo KaPoosh Universal Knife Block. Heck, your knives thank you. Listen carefully, you can hear them rejoicing in the drawer already. They’re about to come out of the dark and into the light, front and center.

Now, we understand you’re the no-slot, freedom kind of kitchenite – instructions, rules, and stuff like that just don’t make you dance for joy. But if you take a minute to read the instructions below, you’ll get many years of use out of your kapoosh. And that, our friends, is a reason to dance for joy.

Before using your kapoosh for the first time, you may want to wash the Freedom Rods. Yep, they’re washable. No more dirt hiding in those conflicting slots.

Here’s how:

Tip the kapoosh block upside-down. The rods will slide right out. Now, don’t fret. No harm will come to the rods. It’s like an exhilarating roller-coaster ride for them. …

A couple more items…:

* Wipe wood with a damp cloth to clean. Caressing with massaging oils are a kind thought, but not necessary.
* The Freedom Rods are FDA approved food-grade plastic (shhh, don’t say this in front of them. They don’t like to think of themselves as JUST plastic.)
…

It’s just awesome. I have high hopes that I’ll get to buy another product from Igo someday.