Argh.

So, Maggie lost three pounds. That’s like a quarter of her body weight. In three weeks. That’s *not* good. Then again, she’s been on her own version of the Survivor Diet…unwillingly, I’m sure…but point being, she hasn’t eaten, and that’s what happens when you don’t eat. I just got back from the emergency center. We did more X-rays. There may be a new mass, or it might just be showing up now when it wasn’t before. The AETC uses better X-ray equipment than Banfield (my usual vet)…digital stuff. The one near her esophagus looks bigger to me, but I might be exaggerating…and again, it’s different equipment, possibly different scale or just different angle slightly.

Next steps are endoscopy and biopsies and aspiration and all sorts of stuff like that. We sent off some bloodwork tonight, but I’m honestly not expecting to see anything odd from that…it didn’t show anything odd before. The bad part is…so, doing all of this investigative stuff will cost me in the area of a couple thousand. On one hand, a couple thousand…yeah, it’s significant…but I can handle it. I’m about to get my bonus, and damn it all, I’m paying for a wedding costing alot more than that…how can I deny a few thousand for my Maggie? But on the other hand…it’s a couple thousand to find out…well, most likely to find out that she’s going to die within a few weeks to a year…that it’s anything but cancer is pretty damn unlikely at this point. Even if it is something else, the something else could be almost as bad…because “something else” means surgery that will remove part of her lung and be very invasive…and that still doesn’t tell us for sure that it will be fixed. So we’re talking a couple thousand to find out either that she’s going to die soon or to find out that we still don’t know and that surgery and other costly procedures are required just to get her to be able to eat. (I’m already about $1500 in on this, for perspective’s sake…that’s the X-rays, bloodwork, vet visits, and other stuff to date.)

I don’t know what to do. The vet kept saying, the amount you spend doesn’t equate to how much you love your cat…but in my eyes, it kinda does. So I don’t know what to do. The answer seems obvious…but it’d be a hell of a lot more obvious if this were four or five years ago and the cost was really putting me in the red. It’s different when you have the money in savings…granted, savings for other things, but still…