Self-destructive Behavior

When I’m really busy at work, I eat less and feel better about myself at the end of the day. Given this, I should work really hard every day. At my previous job, I often didn’t have enough work to keep me busy, and I got into the habit of daily websurfing and laziness to avoid running out of things to do and thus being bored off my ass for days on end. However, at my new job, I have *plenty* to do. Yet, I have this habit now, and there are days when I come in and don’t do anything productive beyond e-mail and meetings. That hasn’t happened at all in the past two weeks here, but it has happened often in the past few months. I have felt better about what I’ve been doing in the past two weeks. I’ve felt like I deserve that promotion I got. I’ve learned things. Then again, I’ve gotten here early and stayed late, but I haven’t noticed that I was here late until an alarm goes off reminding me to go to something we were doing in the evening.

Point being, I should want to do this all the time, because it results in a happier me, but I don’t. Why is that? It’s like…I always feel better after I’ve had a shower, but I almost always put off taking my morning shower on the weekends until I’m about to go out and provide my stink to the world…at which point, social propriety finally nudges me into the shower.

They just turned off the lights here. 🙂 I’ve got about an hour’s worth of work left, and then I’m going home. I’m hoping to stay up until midnight and join what line there may be at the nearby Borders for a certain book’s release tonight…