The Registry Rant

(partly colored by pissed-off-edness at a work issue)

This is so stupid. So there’s this etiquette rule that says not to put information about your registry in your invites. That’s fine and nifty, and I’m cool with that as you don’t want to imply that a gift is required. But invites are bigger than one envelope now. There’s save the dates, websites, post-RSVP info packs, bridal newsletters, e-mails, voicemails, dedicated cellphone lines…and there’s a million nitpicky bride-to-be’s out there (and probably some Mrs. Grundy’s too) who seem to sit at their keyboards just waiting to rain holy terror down upon some poor gal who posts saying that she’d like to put registry info in place X (that is not an invite) and she’s looking for the right wording or what-have-you.

This etiquette rule says brides/grooms should “expect registry information to travel via word of mouth through your maid of honor, best man, and parents.” I’m sure that worked great when everyone lived in the same town or state, when everyone knew each other, when the parents were paying and thus handling invites….or a myriad of other scenarios that rarely occur in the modern era. To give the example of my own wedding-to-be, if I were to draw a diagram that basically branched who knows who from my wedding party (including parents) and my wedding guests, I can think of at least 20 people right now who would never ever get that theoretical word of mouth, and that assumes that the other 40 or so know who they’re supposed to ask.

Are we expecting gifts? Nope. Will some or many people still likely get us a gift? Probably. (Try telling people not to get you a gift some time for some occasion typically adorned with gifts and see how it goes.) And our registry info when and if it exists will go on the wedding website, along with a tiny and politely worded note to remind people that the FAA will get all over your ass for a wrapped gift on an airplane these days if they catch you with it, so best to avoid the hassle altogether by either shipping or not wrapping the theoretical and completely unexpected gift until you get to the destination.

And I swear to whatever deity or other binding power is hearing me that if I ever get an invite or sub-invite or other thingie with registry info included or that otherwise violates some etiquette rule but generally makes everyone’s life easier and better for doing so, I will not be snitty about how uncouth it is…I will laugh and giggle and think about the Mrs. Grundy’s rolling over in their Mrs. Grundy graves (which are plain and covered in dust) instead. And I will take a moment when I can to tell Sender what a wonderful thing it was, to counteract all of the Ms. Grundy’s that have harped on him/her.

End of rant. Thank you.